Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
