I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
