we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
