the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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