We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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