I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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