The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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