STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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