just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
