I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
