Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i believe in u and ur pee
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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