i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
