walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
