I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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