I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
