Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
