If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
