Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
