New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We're not piercing ourselves today.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
