you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
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he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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