I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
