I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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