You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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