I don't think brook has ever known best
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
