My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
