i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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