Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
