Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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