awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
