Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
