did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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