I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm too high and old for this...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
