Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
