I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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