mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
