its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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