I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
