You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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