she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
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