theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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