I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
