it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
