i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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