Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
