so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
