Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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