I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
