don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
