For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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