Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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