The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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