my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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