Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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