walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
