You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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