Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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