I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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