Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
