Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
