Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish you could order shots online.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
