before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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