I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
