So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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