where does the pee come out of this thing
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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