You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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