I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
