Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
