So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize