dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You know, be my cock's hype man.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
