I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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