I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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