I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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