Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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