Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
